i thought i'd moved on and was in a good place.

but then i get a phone call. and up i went again on my rollercoaster.

long story short:

I'M MOVING TO COLLEGE IN 1 WEEK EXACTLY!!!! 
too soon for my liking but what can you do?
scared shitless about finances however. i can't let me parents down and turn to them. i also can't loose my dignity.
it will be a very stingy yet worthwhile year i think.

highlights of this week:
- the phone call
- crazy work and money earning but good and soul restoring
- lesson with stuart
- attempting to sort out honours and practically begging for a place
- german followed by usual death tuesday vege out night
- mayanya restoring my soul. confirming life. exhausting me.
- glasses!!! finally. and daily contacts. after so long. i love them and look hot. perhaps wear them more than originally thought.
- dinner at stephs with the girls/semi celebrating sal's engagement.
- aqua aerobics
- maximus with lisa.
- busy busy saturday morning
- new student
- not so productive saturday 
- crazy sunday. doing lots. lots more to do.
- good book: the robber bride: margaret atwood 

here is my comfort list: 
purple = done
yellow = to do before i leave tuesday
green = in the making

email annette: tutoring. danica
email georgie
college application
camerata listen and learn
blog
write computer sheet for mother
german
pack for college
email bondi parents
present for em/playlist
music for tom
bow re-hair
laundry
tidy phone
practice
nails
exfoliate
wax 

FOOD UPDATE:
killer week. good exercise but terrible intake
aqua was good. found SOME muscles but it wasn't challenging enough. nice reminder however, being around so many older people of what to not aspire to and make sure i avoid.
i'm surprisingly good today. maybe because i'm a little stressed.

outtake:
- run
- abs
- stretch

intake:
- usual yoghurt with honey and blue berries
- small piece of beef
- 2 greenteaandpear teas. 1 pepermint

to come: curry dinner
pavolova one slice. must not vom. 

now to leave you with an interesting excerpt from my wonderful book:
'this woman is tall, and thin as a razor, so thin charis can see her ribcage right through the leotart, each rib in high relief as it carved, with a line of darkness beneath it. her knees and elbows stick out like knots in rope, and the poses, as she performs them, are not fluid but practically geometrical, cages made of coat-hangers. her skin is white as mushrooms, and a dark-light phosphorescence glimmers around her like the sheen on bad meat.charis knows unhealth when she sees it: this woman needs a lot more than just one yoga class. a big hit of vitamin c and a dollop of sunlight would be a start, but they wouldn't even begin to touch what's wrong with her.' 

this excerpt makes me realise that perhaps nothing is wrong with me.  
the book also brings out the 3 different 'me's' i think i have. quite interesting. and highlights the importance of tasting every little thing that you put in your mouth. putting only things that will help your body function. and only when it needs it. listening to both your brain and heart. balance. 

I come here to collect my thoughts. Please excuse.

What was to be a productive day has been a terribly UN-productively day. Good news however is that I have been blessed with 2 empty days in a row. this means there is a possibility i will have 2 terrible days in a row, 2 averagely good days OR 1 rest/mistake making day and another learn from mistakes and take over the world day. i hope you all know i am the type of person to take the later option.

SO

i will do the following:

- run my little heart our
- practice for my lesson. this means focused. clever. avoiding comments that may be made on tuesday
- german. blah. just do it
- ab work out
- arm work out

the heat wave has ended dramatically with a 20 degree drop in 30 minutes. i am now shivering. that's more like it. green eyes makes me quite sad. i first discovered it via someone's xanga. i am nostalgic for that person, mainly because i don't even remember who they were. loss. i was my theme song for begining uni and now i am entering my final year. it was the anthem for my resurrection of xanga and old ways. loss. it painfully makes me think of the boy. loss. new theme song anyone? a perky one perhaps? no lily allan.

oh. 500 days of summer. do it. i knew when i saw it i would have to put myself through it again one day when my heart had been broken. how right i was and how i underestimated the difficulty of it all.

successful day yesterday productivity wise. perhaps not so much with food. in a way that balances out thought right? and i went to sleep on an empty stomach which i find excruciatingly difficult yet rewarding. 

the crazy life of saturday looks something like this:

- run x
- grocery shopping with the dad x
- make lunch x
- laundry x
- fold laundry
- clean fridge x
- wrap mum's presents/write card x
- organise photos for mum
- practice [3 hours?] x
- german [1 hour min] x
- read weekend paper x
- xanga catch up x 
- restaurant parking x
- kirsten gk
- change k's lesson x
- banking
- clean shower x
- grooming: nails/exfoliate/wash hair 

- movie 8:30?

intake:
yoghurt with 2 t.s honey
black coffee
salad: tomato, cucumber, tuna, green onion, balsamic v, olive oil, corner of ciabatta
tiny bit of cheese. too much

outtake: (so far)
usual run
swim: kicks/arms 

hope you have a beautiful day ladies! (and gents)

look forward to reading your recent life happenings.

i've had some Black Swan like scratches appear on my arm from absolutely no where. strange. i'm also not feeling as proud as i should for how much i've gotten done today. i won't indulge in the word 'accomplished'. also had a bit of a break down. it's been a while...